Eating Disorder Recovery
- Camille
- Apr 18, 2021
- 3 min read
Updated: Dec 15, 2024
*TRIGGER WARNING*
I remember...
Spending years of my life thinking about the different ways I could lose weight.
Spending days every week working my body past the point of exhaustion.
Telling myself I wasn't thin enough, beautiful enough or good enough.
Fearing my reflection in the mirror.
Body checking multiple times a day.
Obsessing over the numbers on the scale.
Hours at the gym.
Looking at magazines for ways to get my 'perfect flat abs'.
Always thinking about or planning my next meal.
Counting, counting, counting.
Bingeing after a week trying to eat as little as possible.
Buying a size too large.
Crying in the changing rooms.
Freezing in the middle of summer.
Dreading the warm weather,
Swimming with a t-shirt over my bikini.
Going to bed hungry.
Avoiding eating in public.
Meltdowns over a birthday cake.
Forcing myself to ingest those disgusting diuretics.
Losing hair, losing pounds, losing faith.
Feeling exhausted, hopeless.
Dizziness, bloating, nausea. My good old friends.
Starving for a way out.
Recovery is a long road and looking back, it's easy to forget how far I've come.
It is not because you are "weight restored" that you are recovered. The mental work it takes to heal is like recovering from any addiction - there's ups and downs. It's a lifelong journey. You have to learn to deal with your triggers, to cope with your feelings. To let go of control. To stop chasing perfection. To learn that your self-worth has nothing to do with your body.
To be honest, even to this day I still have moments where my ED pops in. Letting me know that it never truly left completely. After more than 5 years, its gone quieter, that's for sure.
I know where that voice goes, down the rabbit hole. One choice after the other and you're back to rock bottom. Therapy. Medical exams. Blood tests.
So today and tomorrow, I will choose recovery. Again and again.
It is the only choice I have if I want to be happy and free.
What to do if someone asks you if they're fat?
1. Explore and validate the feeling behind their question (ie. anxiety, sadness, fear of rejection).
2. Educate people on what fat actually is (ie. a neutral descriptor).
3. Share some body positive & anti-diet inspirations (your worth isn't related to your weight!)
4. Reassure their need for validation without talking about their body (ie. I love you for who you are, not what you look like).
What to do if someone comments on your weight or food intake?
Politely tell them to fuck off. It's none of their business what you do with your body.
Let them know it makes you feel uncomfortable and it's unhelpful. Tell them you don't appreciate it and that you will no longer accept that kind of behavior.
Change the subject. Ask them a question about their life. Compliment them on something unrelated.
Walk away.
Things to avoid (particularly if you know someone has an eating disorder) :
Talk about diets
Talk about weight
Talk about how much they're eating (unless it's to say that it looks delicious!)
What diet culture is :
Weight loss obsession
Fitness obsession
Diets, detox, cleanses, intermittent fasting, "clean eating"
"Fat burning" tea, pills or creams
Waist trainers, waist trimmers or shapewear
Weight loss surgery
Fatphobia
Tracking calories or macros, counting steps.
Fat-free, sugar-free or low-carbs food
Before-After pictures
"Cheat" days, "guilt-free" or "treats"
Things like "Falling off the Wagon" ; "getting out of shape" ; "starting on Monday" ; "28 Days Challenge" ; “bikini body” ; “revenge body” or “getting your body back”
Food rules ; labeling food as good or bad ("junk food")
Associating your worth with what you eat or your size
Equating health to thinness (hello BMI) and the belief that shrinking your body = better person
Using exercise as punishment
Cutting out or avoiding food based on what society tells you is "acceptable" to eat
Thinking all it takes is "willpower" to achieve the "perfect" body
Ignoring your hunger cues
Pushing yourself past your limits (it's okay to rest!)
Remember this : Your worst day in recovery is better than your best day with your eating disorder.
If you or someone you know struggles with disordered eating, reach out for help.
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