Ride the Wave

Coping with feelings

Feelings of anxiety, sadness, anger, loneliness, shame, disgust, fear, despair, joy, hope, excitement...Everything can feel so intense at times. Yet we’ve been living most of our life trying to suppress them, trying to hide them, to forget them, to silence them. Numbing our pain has become a norm - through food, substances, sex, relationships, shopping, gambling etc. Telling ourselves the joy we are experiencing only means we are going to fall harder… we are so afraid of being happy. 

In our society, we learn to be good at keeping people at a distance, to rely only on ourselves because being close to someone means being vulnerable, being willing to ask for help and accepting it. It means being confronted with our feelings. Keeping people at arm's length so they don’t have to see just how much a situation affects us. As if it isn’t exhausting to always try to keep our emotions tucked away and contained...and going through life disconnected from ourselves and others. 

Feelings are not destructive, but what we do with them can be. Humans are meant to feel, it is the chore of our humanity, it is our strength, our downfall. A feeling on its own is nothing more than a need unmet… 

It’s what we do with those feelings that can be distressful. We are always so scared of losing… Losing control, losing our loved ones, losing ourselves. Feelings are like ghosts, like a song on repeat, always there in the background no matter what. We need to hear them out to be able to let them go. 

We can’t always change the situation we are in that causes us those emotions. So fighting them probably won’t change a thing. It will only make it harder, and make them stronger. Feelings are like waves, they come in different intensity, they go up and down, again and again. Even if you fight the wave, it will still come at you. No need to go head first, all you need is to ride it, slowly. You might fall sometimes, you might lose your balance, but it is okay. Your surfboard is tied tightly around your ankle. Just get back on it. Your surfboard is your support system, your coping skills, your self-care... 

I have lost so many moments pushing my feelings away. But when you close your heart, you close it to good things too. You focus so much on not losing that you forget about gaining. 

Feelings are just like a heartbeat, consistent, present. We often forget why it’s there. We often forget how to use them in a positive way. Emotions are a superpower, not a curse…remember that. Emotions are the blood pumping to your soul, it’s how we connect with others. It’s how we know we are alive.